Read: The Unexpected Spy

I wanted to join the CIA. Right after high school graduation. I had big plans. Deep cover. Pakistan maybe. Or Indonesia. I owned a “Rambo knife.” Complete with compass in the handle, fishing line and matches inside the grip. I was just smart enough to know I shouldn’t take it to school, but everywhere else…it was on person. Just in case. I had also studied street fighting at a school for corporate and interpersonal security, where I routinely got my ass kicked by adult men. Local police, SWAT, corporate bodyguards, contractors and guys who said “I’m not at liberty to say.” And I was shooting all the time. Rifle, pistol, shotgun. I’d been shooting my entire life, so the exercise was second nature. My father would take me to illegal shooting matches south of the city and bet on me. “He’s just a kid, what’s he gonna do.” And then I’d turned and look back and think, “Suckers,” as I blasted my way to the payoff.

Los Angeles bank robbery division. Apprehended one of the FBI’s Top Ten Most Wanted. A good old boy of epic proportion, and someone I loved. As it remains today, there was a “healthy” competition between FBI and CIA back then. Dad’s friend didn’t mince words when it came to the CIA. “The worst,” he would say. “You are gonna end up in a hotel room overlooking a backwater port somewhere in South America.” “Counting how many ships come and go.” “Don’t be an idiot, join the FBI.” This was the semblance of the plan. And then I accidentally found photography, ruined my life, and ended up here.

Tracy Walder, however, took a different path, first to the CIA and then on to the FBI where limits of the agency were on clear display through bias, discrimination, and rampant sexism, but I’m getting ahead of myself. Walder, a USC grad, joins the CIA early and ends up in their counterterrorism unit. She finds her way from the DC area compounds to the sandy grit of overseas postings. She sees successes and failures (Madrid) but also learns the harsh reality that men who love to war often don’t love to see women invade their territory, and this goes for both the men conducting the war and those trying to stop it.

Walder’s story is wrapped up and redacted in “The Unexpected Spy: From the CIA to the FBI, My Secret Life Taking Down Some Of The World’s Most Notorious Terrorists.” I enjoyed this book, but I know there is more to this story. I’d love to know more about the switch from CIA to FBI. Why? Because the FBI loves to blame the CIA for just about everything, including 9/11, so why the desire to go? Money? Prestige? Better access to top secret stuff? You would think the redacted parts would make someone less interested in this tale, but for me, the redacted parts made me stop and attempt to piece together what lived behind those thick, black lines.

I would still consider joining the CIA if it weren’t for the fact I’m twenty years too old and don’t fit any of the other requirements other than I am alive. Always sobering when you realize you have aged out of all the childhood dreams, well, almost all. Some of my friends think I’m obsessed with books like this. They think I only watch violent action films and am narrow in my scope, which is you follow this site you know isn’t true, but man do I love feeding their fire. I really do. Yesterday, a photographer friend sent me a text about a Japanese art/photography film and I wrote back “I only watch Michael Bay films.” When someone asks me if I’ve seen a movie I always reply “Is there a car chase?” The looks of disgust make it all worthwhile. Reading these books always helps fill in history, and I like knowing what happened. I like knowing how things were connected, and how that might impact things today. I’m no expert. I’m curious people, just curious.