Creative: My Book Jacket Blurbs from Photographer Days

So when I was a photographer I made books nonstop. This goes back to 1993 when I made what I would consider my first “real” book, although it was more of a glorified color copy.

The real gem here is the upper left. If you can read it. I was so snarky.

After digital arrived the industry was flooded with non-photographers who just went for it. Built a site, bought a camera and said: “I’m a photographer now.” And heck, they got hired. The barrier to entry disappeared. Nobody has cared about anything since then.

One of these people was a popular speaker at the time. I went to see his talk. As he built the crowd into a fervor he stated, “At my last wedding I shot 10,000 images…..by myself.” The crowd erupted into cheers and applause, people standing and shouting about how magical this was and how THIS WAS JUST HOW YOU DID THINGS NOW. Quantity, quantity, quantity.

Then you develop an action to randomly covert images to black and white, have an assistant push the buttons because, after all, every shoot looks exactly the same, so why would the photographer need to supply input after the formula for the secret recipe was revealed? (Ketchup and mayonnaise.)

I used to love to bust these people’s chops. One, they deserved it. Two, it was a required part of my job. Differentiate me. One of the ways I did that was the jacket blurb.

“If you are experiencing a low pulse rate and are just not satisfied with the standard wedding package, then call your advisor to see if Milnor Pictures is right for you.” “Are all the albums looking identical from studio to studio?” “Are you concerned about what to do with 5000 digital photographs?”

I don’t miss these days in the slightest. I got in and got out of the wedding world at just the right time.

4 Comments on “Creative: My Book Jacket Blurbs from Photographer Days”

  1. Man that low-rent retail photography thing. Ugh. I don’t mind the kids who just got a Rebel, they’ve got some hustle and there’s a chance they’ll make something great. Maybe it’s a long shot.

    Nope, it’s the old farts who drone on about how they started WHEN CAMERAS USED FILM and tell you how WE HAD TO GET IT RIGHT IN THE CAMERA and now they’re fully digital and will go on about their NIKON D850 and plop you in front of some splotchy dark green backdrop that fell through a goddamned wormhole form 1987 for your portraits, which they will then retouch until your eyes blaze from your plastic Barbie face like twin supernovas, and charge you $1000 for this horrible experience.

    My wife got me an extension stapler, so now I have to make zines. She is the best.

    1. Andrew,
      It’s not a portrait until you use selective sharpening on the retinas. And plus 30 on the saturation slider for the eye color. Any photo dummy knows this. Get with it. I gave up trying to tell people about cropping in camera. That’s like telling a farmer to buy a mule. Your wife has her act together.

  2. I come here for the great blog content and get entertained by Molitor’s snarky comments. Love it.

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